Grandma Compton

My maternal grandfather passed away when I was sixteen. At the time, I recall being pretty anxious for my grandmother, living all by herself in a tiny excuse for a town in a quiet little house that had been home to numerous children, grandchildren, and probably lots of neighbors. I had heard of and seen numerous examples of elderly couples that had been married for decades, and one spouse would pass away and the other would seem to have nothing left in life and be gone in weeks or months. I had it in my head that it must be the same way for all well-seasoned couples, once your spouse was gone, there isn't a whole lot left. I was certain Gramma wasn't going to be around much longer.

I was wrong.

Grandma Compton spent a couple more years living in her tiny home in Neosho Falls, and for health/safety/peace of mind for her and family reasons, eventually moved into a small house in town. Ninety-two years old, and while she doesn't exactly get out of the house (and recently struggles to get out of her recliner), her mind is still incredibly sharp and she can remember stories about living in the Great Depression or about Grandpa driving her to church when they starting dating. She spent a couple weeks in an old folk's home after a fall a couple years ago, and probably knew every single person there and their children and personal histories. She loves to talk about her family, and even more loves to reminisce about Grandpa teaching Sunday School and studying the Bible and about Christ her Savior and friend. A very remarkable woman, my grandmother. She's still kicking, but is eager for the day when she'll see Grandpa and John and Ruth and other friends and family in the presence of the eternal Lord and King. But I think she's most excited about experiencing the glory of the Heavenly Father, His Son, and the Spirit.

Here's why I was wrong. I thought Grandma had built her life mostly around Grandpa Finley, and, just a tiny bit less, around her children, as seems to be normal. And true, she was a faithful, loving and hard-working wife. She did give birth to sixteen children, and raised those little guys and gals to honor and follow Jesus Christ. When they grew up and began their own lives, Grandma did all she could to keep loving and serving her spouse. The old house was kept warm and cozy for visitors, and a trip to Grandma's was always something to look forward to, whether exploring the old bedrooms or Grandpa's shop or playing with the little metals ends from juice concentrate jars. She's the one that needs some looking after now, but Grandma can still give a pretty good run-down of what her kids are up to, as well as her fifty-plus grandkids. She even still apologizes because although she remembers most birthdays and anniversaries, etc., her writing is getting too spidery to address and mail vintage cards with a $1 bill tucked inside. But no, I think Elizabeth Compton built her life around something much bigger and valuable than her husband.

See, had Finley been the most important thing in her adventure of life, Grandma probably would not have lasted much longer than her mate. But she's still here. She's even laughing and finding joy in life through the aches and troubles of failing physicality. Because there is one thing that Grandma values and loves and treasures and pursues more than anything else in the universe. And that is her blessed Savior Jesus Christ, and the knowing of her heavenly Father that she experiences through Him. Maybe she doesn't sign her name to birthday cards, but her hands still have the strength to daily open the worn Bible that sits by her chair just to have another moment with her Creator and Redeemer. Many days she might be lonely, but she has a Comforter greater than any familiar face that might appear at her front door. She'll leave a great legacy in her family tree, but she has no family dearer than the Father who holds her safe in His loving arms. She has pictures and memories and objects that she holds dear, but knows nothing more valuable than Christ. Nothing. Meals on Wheels, the occasional Sonic Burger, and ice water might keep her physical body alive, but Grandma drinks living water and lives not on bread, but on the Word that comes from God.

That's a model I want to follow. The type of wife, mother, and friend that Grandma was is the type of husband, father, and friend I want to be.

Praise and Sovereignty

Occasionally I get frustrated going to visit some of my very dear friends and relatives because I know conversation will eventually be turned to a frequently recurring topic: they think the end times are very close. One or two are well studied in the topic, and know a LOT about Revelation and Daniel, etc., but many of them just know what they hear on NPR:

"this nation and that nation are doing this to take power over the world"

-or -
"this group of nations hates Israel, and that's a clear sign of the Rapture coming"
-or maybe-
"did you hear about this event? Wow, men are getting really wicked, and I'm glad Jesus is coming soon."

Now, admittedly, I don't remember all that much of what I've learned about prophecy, but I am eager for the day Jesus returns for His bride. Here's the thing though: I don't know when that is. And in the meantime, all the discussion of nations gathering power or conquering others doesn't frighten me. Because I've found comfort in Psalm 33. I don't understand it fully, because I don't know the plans of His heart. My heart breaks that millions have been slaughtered by cruel people, especially knowing that some have claimed the name of Christ when holding a murdering sword. But my heart rejoices in my Father in heaven, because I trust in His holy name.

Psalm 33

¹Sing for joy in the LORD, O you righteous ones;
Praise is becoming to the upright.
²Give thanks to the LORD with the lyre;
Sing praises to Him with a harp of ten strings.
³Sing to Him a new song;
Play skillfully with a shout of joy.
⁴For the word of the LORD is upright,
And all His work is done in faithfulness.
⁵He loves righteousness and justice;
The earth is full of the lovingkindness of the LORD.
⁶By the word of the LORD the heavens were made,
And by the breath of His mouth all their host.
⁷He gathers the waters of the sea together as a heap;
He lays up the deeps in storehouses.
⁸Let all the earth fear the LORD;
Let all the inhabitants of the world stand in awe of Him.
⁹For He spoke, and it was done;
He commanded, and it stood fast.
¹⁰The LORD nullifies the counsel of the nations;
He frustrates the plans of the peoples.
¹¹The counsel of the LORD stands forever,
The plans of His heart from generation to generation.
¹²Blessed is the nation whose God is the LORD,
The people whom He has chosen for His own inheritance.
¹³The LORD looks from heaven;
He sees all the sons of men;
¹⁴From His dwelling place He looks out
On all the inhabitants of the earth,
¹⁵He who fashions the hearts of them all,
He who understands all their works.
¹⁶The king is not saved by a mighty army;
A warrior is not delivered by great strength.
¹⁷A horse is a false hope for victory;
Nor does it deliver anyone by its great strength.
¹⁸Behold, the eye of the LORD is on those who fear Him,
On those who hope for His lovingkindness,
¹⁹To deliver their soul from death
And to keep them alive in famine.
²⁰Our soul waits for the LORD;
He is our help and our shield.
²¹For our heart rejoices in Him,
Because we trust in His holy name.
²²Let Your lovingkindness, O LORD, be upon us,
According as we have hoped in You.


That can really be worldview defining.

This passage clearly shows that God is sovereign over all creation and all nations and that even as perceived power is held by Greece or Rome or Britian or whoever, God looks over all.

But my favorite part is this: couple this chapter with verses like Matthew 6:26 "Look at the birds of the air, that they do not sow, nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not worth much more than they?" To know that God watches over eras and timelines and enormous things that last for hundreds, even thousands, of years and that He still is purposefully and intimately involved with all the details of my life? That's comforting. Still not completely understandable, I don't think. But it makes trying to live out passages like James 1:2-3 much less.....I dunno, daunting maybe. Because my faith is in something that is worthy of faith. It definitely proves Christ more valuable than the tiny, insignificant things I tend to worship on a daily basis. And that's what I'm seeking, Christ as my treasure.

Very quickly....

Just a few things:

1 - Sometimes I want to give people looking at clothes fashion advice. Usually, that advice would be "no. Just...no."

next - how come the really cool sheet sets (like Mario or Disney or Transformers) only come in twin size? Apparently society thinks that as you grow up only flowers, stripes, or solids are appropriate.

and then - I've tried my hand at cookies, bars, and cheesecake. Since this weekend, I want to try making pie. Is that too big of a task? Because I want to make pie that gives the feeling you could die happy now with perfect flaky crust that you would eat by itself.

D - I need some furniture and pots and pans for my new (temporary) place. I'll get yard sale, or at least cheap, stuff, but I like to think about one day buying something more permanent.

d - Yesterday I needed to print some things out so I went to Oswego's courthouse and asked if they could help. I got a blank, then slightly frightened look from the lady at the counter as she asked what I meant by a PDF and how I meant to print one out. I guess we don't really need all our technology to lead a simple, happy life.

d* - but I like that people here trust enough to rent a house to a guy they've met for five minutes and not even do any paperwork.

That is all.

WWWdotJasonThoughtsdotgovdotwwwbackslashjasonthoughts

So I don't really want to make the mandatory occasional blogger statement "I'm going to try to update this more often", so I'll skip it. See, the upside of blogging is that I usually enjoy the mental process: thinking through what I want to say and how I would say it. But the physical process of sitting down and writing it out is a lot tougher. I've started a lot of posts and then decided that there's really no one but me who is interested or amused by some of the things that I am. And besides, the several minutes I spend typing, staring, typing, revising, dozing off, re-focusing, typing, and wondering if what I say will just come off as moronic or not well thought out becomes boring and worrisome enough that I give up. And days or weeks later, I can't remember whatever brilliant thoughts I was having. So I'll work on the physical part.

But if there's an upside, there surely has to be a downside. And this is it: quite a bit of what I say really isn't well thought out, it's just whatever pops into my head at that moment. And some of it I wish right away I could take back. For example this conversation:

Me: "Hey, it's Christmas tomorrow. You should hang out with us, maybe go snowboarding or something (because everyone is kinda like me and spends a lot of time sitting around being kinda bored, and doing cool fun things with other people would make the day a lot better. Plus, I didn't have any idea what the 'us' were doing anyway),"
Other person: "Silly, I'm spending the day with my family"
Me: thinking "I'm an idiot and probably will never ask another question again."

-or this one-

Ticket-taker at the movie theater: "Tangled is great. I really liked it. Here's your ticket. Enjoy the show."
Me: "You, too!" walks away thinking "I've laughed at Brian Regan's comedy routine about that phrase for years, and I still say it. Good grief."

So...if I actually do this, dear reader, you'll probably get a large helping of shallow, on-the-spot thinking. But maybe with time, I'll learn to think through things. Or maybe I'll find out my thoughts aren't as weird or unique as I like to think they are. Like today...not very original. Or clever. I guess you'll have to wade through some mud to get to....whatever good thing might be on the other side of the mud puddle. I don't know what that is yet. Maybe ice cream or sno-cones. But that doesn't make sense. Walk through mud to get to ice cream? I mean, I would, but....never mind.

We'll see if the world is ready for this...


Things i Saw Today(and by today i mean yesterday because i had a four hour drive and then work and then supper and coffee with the guys and Ella and got home at 11:30 and didn't write until today so maybe i've forgotten something already):
- A sign for either a town or an Indian tribe giving the name and then pronunciation. Helpful, because I totally would have pronounced Quapah like it's spelled, instead of O-ga-paw.

-A $200-$500 fine for littering sign wrapped in toilet paper. Ironic.

A rest stop with parking on both sides of the interstate and a McDonalds restaurant with glass walls bridged over the road. Made me wish I was hungry.


Things that Tickled my Brain Today:
- Does Taylor Swift really qualify as country music? Because I've never had the urge to line- or square-dance when she comes on the radio.

- A large percentage of the high schools I've seen in Oklahoma have some form of Native American culture as their mascot. But the two largest higher education institutions in the state classify themselves as Cowboys or vehicles that brought not-Indians here. Why is that?

-Sometimes I get frustrated with the way people around me drive. But since I pull some pretty stupid stunts of my own, I really try not to. But I think I decided on the one thing that gets me most about other drivers. They should sing in the car more. Because most of them don't seem to be having any fun. And singing loudly with the windows rolled up (or down) would feel a lot less silly if more people did it. People say they do, but I don't see it. And I know, because I pay attention. And I've seen ONE random girl rockin it pretty hard. And it made me smile.

Music that i Really Liked Today:
- Beyond Belief by 116 Clique. Sorry KJ, I respect what you did with the Peace of Mind album, I just prefer the Clique's Amped.


Sometimes i think of God as:
Tzeitel, Hodel, and Chava think about the village matchmaker (and I don't mean this only in regard to relationships). They dream about a man who is intelligent, rich, handsome, and gentle but are aware that because of their socioeconomic status, they'll be resigned to accepting whatever Yenta brings( and that's as far as the comparison goes): old, fat drunkards.

Here's why. Something that I think I'm learning about prayer is that its purpose is NOT to say "God, I want this and this and this person to get well and this and maybe this person to pay attention to me and this and help this guy find a job and this and magically make me lose weight " and so on. From the Lord's Prayer and Jesus' prayer in Gethsemane and other places, it seems that prayer leads me to say "Lord, You are INCREDIBLE, and know a lot more about where my life is than I do and what the future holds, and maybe I don't understand what's gonna happen but I trust You to carry me through all of everything, and for that to happen...Your will be done, not mine." It's not that I think making requests or asking for something is bad, because I think that's biblical too, but God already knows all of those things before we bring them up. I've just started to struggle with the second part of the mindset that I so often have that "Ok, God. Here's what I really, really want and what I think you should do. But.. I guess... I suppose... if you think you know better, grumble(do you really?)grumble...maybe... do what you think instead." As if I'm discussing what restaurant I want to eat at with friends. "Well, Taco Bell has 88 cent crunchwrap supremes, but if you want Texas Roadhouse, I suppose that might be okay. I just want it to be known that I did in fact ask for Taco Bell. Remember that if my steak is undercooked or my fries are soggy."

My thing is: most of the time it's not too tough to hand things over. But sometimes, when there is something that I do really, really think I want, it's a pretty tough battle to lay things at His feet. Especially because, looking back, doing that has, in the most intense struggles, not resulted in whatever I wanted to happen happening. And looking back, ok well, maybe it's true that my preferred course of direction was not the best option. But looking forward, when another important something prayer crisis comes up, knowing God has protected and directed me does come to mind, but it's farther back than the suggestion that God just won't give me as good as what I want. Like Tevye's daughter want tall, dark and handsome but are sure they won't get that, maybe I want a Camaro but think God will give me a 1992 Camry. Now I don't think God would just be downright gross and give me a Yugo and just sit back amused with himself. Or a van. I don't love vans. (I want several kids, but maybe just one less than however many would make me drive a van.) I don't believe God would give me something bad, it's just sometimes easy to think that he won't give me as good as I want. Kind of a dumb example, because I don't take a car decision that seriously. But it does show my prejudice about cars.

Anyway, God is not like an aging Jewish matchmaker in 1905 Russia. But realizing I sometimes think that way is an important step in being transformed.

D+E and M and How I Met Your Mother and Christ

Last night, within the span of less than two hours, three things happened that have kind of been weighing on my mind all day. So here goes....

A really good friend of mine got engaged recently, and I had a long drive, so I called her and asked for the down-low on what happened. The whole thing happened pretty fast and the Lord seems to be putting everything into place, and I am VERY excited for D+E. What I can't get out of my mind is what seemed to seal the deal for her: "driving in his truck and he was talking about the church being split and the drama, etc., and about his passion for the people, and I knew right then I wanted to marry him." Not a direct quote, but close. I want a passion for Christ and for the gospel and for sharing it and living it with every person I come into contact with. What I don't want is to be a "good person" or to just follow some list of religious or moral guidelines of how someone should act if they want to feel good about themselves and be admired in a weekly meeting with well-dressed someones who pretend to have everything together. I want to be transformed: mind, heart, and soul by the grace and mercy and love of God demonstrated through the incarnation, life, death, and resurrection of Jesus Christ. And if ever a girl falls in love with me, I want it to be because of Christ living through me and who He makes me to be, not because I have a good job or am a nice guy or whatever. I've got a way to go to be the man that the girl I want will want.


Next, I got to the end of my drive and was catching up on this week's episode of How I Met Your Mother. Basic plot is at the funeral for one character's father and the last words and moments we might share with people we love. Very interesting that right when the character has a moment of yelling out at God and questioning how He operates, I found out that a friend from junior college has recently passed away, very suddenly. Now, I don't know God's specific purpose in how He gives and directs and takes individual lives, and questioning why wasn't what weighed on my heart. I believe that the one true God is good, and has a purpose and plan in all things, and while I don't understand it, He is faithful and trustworthy and glorious.

What I did think so much about is that I do not know what tomorrow, or even the next few minutes or hours, will bring. I do know that there are a LOT of people who have played important roles in my life, some big, some small. Some people I've known most of my life, some for just a few years, and some are relatively new friends. Some were teachers, some examples, some listeners, some advisers, some made me laugh, some encouraged, and others made me see life and Christ and others in a truer way. So I've got a lot of thank-you's to say. So I'll be working on that in the days and weeks to come.

Love

Love is a blue balloon and a pin made from a grape soda cap.
And a jumbo rainbow-colored swirl pop.

Possible Top 5 songs...

1. Beautiful Redemption - Ever Stays Red
2. Glorious - Ever Stays Red
3. Every New Day - Five Iron Frenzy
4. Dandelions - Five Iron Frenzy
5. ........