Yesterday, I was awake and out of the apartment before 6 a.m. and didn't return until 10 p.m. All for the sake of seeing K-State take down the #2 team in the country. Regrettably, that didn't happen. But between College GameDay and the game itself, I spent between five and six hours cheering at the top of my lungs, clapping, jumping up and down, and gyrating to the Wabash like nobody's business. There were moments where I alternately encouraged my team, high-fived my neighbors, wanted to hurl obscenities at the refs and other team, held my breath when a shot went up, had to stop screaming for several moments to find any bit of breath in my lungs, felt pride and disappointment, found hope, lost it, and found it again. In the game's final seconds, there were extreme highs and lows where fulfillment of emotion and purpose and hope felt tangible,right there in our grasp, and then was snatched away before I could blink.
This morning I woke up feeling exhausted, still disappointed, a little soul weary, and didn't want to move. I still had a little of my voice left, but in a very low, cracked, and creepy tone. Drove to church with some friends, and when music started playing, I was overwhelmed with a sense that even though my voice and body were weak, I couldn't put so much energy into celebrating athletic competition and then not be more intense in my pursuit and worship of my creator and Lord. Not in the sense that I guilt-tripped myself, but that it just wasn't possible. So I turned my focus to the Savior where my hope and purpose are met, never to be taken away, and really enjoyed a great moment of worship.
Now, I just wonder what happens to that sense and desire after I graduate. I want to be passionate toward Christ, and about Him, I just get a little discouraged thinking about where I might be.
Edit: The definition of passion I heard recently that I really liked was this: the degree of difficulty that one is willing to endure in order to accomplish the goal. Maybe that's my answer.