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So I don't really want to make the mandatory occasional blogger statement "I'm going to try to update this more often", so I'll skip it. See, the upside of blogging is that I usually enjoy the mental process: thinking through what I want to say and how I would say it. But the physical process of sitting down and writing it out is a lot tougher. I've started a lot of posts and then decided that there's really no one but me who is interested or amused by some of the things that I am. And besides, the several minutes I spend typing, staring, typing, revising, dozing off, re-focusing, typing, and wondering if what I say will just come off as moronic or not well thought out becomes boring and worrisome enough that I give up. And days or weeks later, I can't remember whatever brilliant thoughts I was having. So I'll work on the physical part.

But if there's an upside, there surely has to be a downside. And this is it: quite a bit of what I say really isn't well thought out, it's just whatever pops into my head at that moment. And some of it I wish right away I could take back. For example this conversation:

Me: "Hey, it's Christmas tomorrow. You should hang out with us, maybe go snowboarding or something (because everyone is kinda like me and spends a lot of time sitting around being kinda bored, and doing cool fun things with other people would make the day a lot better. Plus, I didn't have any idea what the 'us' were doing anyway),"
Other person: "Silly, I'm spending the day with my family"
Me: thinking "I'm an idiot and probably will never ask another question again."

-or this one-

Ticket-taker at the movie theater: "Tangled is great. I really liked it. Here's your ticket. Enjoy the show."
Me: "You, too!" walks away thinking "I've laughed at Brian Regan's comedy routine about that phrase for years, and I still say it. Good grief."

So...if I actually do this, dear reader, you'll probably get a large helping of shallow, on-the-spot thinking. But maybe with time, I'll learn to think through things. Or maybe I'll find out my thoughts aren't as weird or unique as I like to think they are. Like today...not very original. Or clever. I guess you'll have to wade through some mud to get to....whatever good thing might be on the other side of the mud puddle. I don't know what that is yet. Maybe ice cream or sno-cones. But that doesn't make sense. Walk through mud to get to ice cream? I mean, I would, but....never mind.

We'll see if the world is ready for this...


Things i Saw Today(and by today i mean yesterday because i had a four hour drive and then work and then supper and coffee with the guys and Ella and got home at 11:30 and didn't write until today so maybe i've forgotten something already):
- A sign for either a town or an Indian tribe giving the name and then pronunciation. Helpful, because I totally would have pronounced Quapah like it's spelled, instead of O-ga-paw.

-A $200-$500 fine for littering sign wrapped in toilet paper. Ironic.

A rest stop with parking on both sides of the interstate and a McDonalds restaurant with glass walls bridged over the road. Made me wish I was hungry.


Things that Tickled my Brain Today:
- Does Taylor Swift really qualify as country music? Because I've never had the urge to line- or square-dance when she comes on the radio.

- A large percentage of the high schools I've seen in Oklahoma have some form of Native American culture as their mascot. But the two largest higher education institutions in the state classify themselves as Cowboys or vehicles that brought not-Indians here. Why is that?

-Sometimes I get frustrated with the way people around me drive. But since I pull some pretty stupid stunts of my own, I really try not to. But I think I decided on the one thing that gets me most about other drivers. They should sing in the car more. Because most of them don't seem to be having any fun. And singing loudly with the windows rolled up (or down) would feel a lot less silly if more people did it. People say they do, but I don't see it. And I know, because I pay attention. And I've seen ONE random girl rockin it pretty hard. And it made me smile.

Music that i Really Liked Today:
- Beyond Belief by 116 Clique. Sorry KJ, I respect what you did with the Peace of Mind album, I just prefer the Clique's Amped.


Sometimes i think of God as:
Tzeitel, Hodel, and Chava think about the village matchmaker (and I don't mean this only in regard to relationships). They dream about a man who is intelligent, rich, handsome, and gentle but are aware that because of their socioeconomic status, they'll be resigned to accepting whatever Yenta brings( and that's as far as the comparison goes): old, fat drunkards.

Here's why. Something that I think I'm learning about prayer is that its purpose is NOT to say "God, I want this and this and this person to get well and this and maybe this person to pay attention to me and this and help this guy find a job and this and magically make me lose weight " and so on. From the Lord's Prayer and Jesus' prayer in Gethsemane and other places, it seems that prayer leads me to say "Lord, You are INCREDIBLE, and know a lot more about where my life is than I do and what the future holds, and maybe I don't understand what's gonna happen but I trust You to carry me through all of everything, and for that to happen...Your will be done, not mine." It's not that I think making requests or asking for something is bad, because I think that's biblical too, but God already knows all of those things before we bring them up. I've just started to struggle with the second part of the mindset that I so often have that "Ok, God. Here's what I really, really want and what I think you should do. But.. I guess... I suppose... if you think you know better, grumble(do you really?)grumble...maybe... do what you think instead." As if I'm discussing what restaurant I want to eat at with friends. "Well, Taco Bell has 88 cent crunchwrap supremes, but if you want Texas Roadhouse, I suppose that might be okay. I just want it to be known that I did in fact ask for Taco Bell. Remember that if my steak is undercooked or my fries are soggy."

My thing is: most of the time it's not too tough to hand things over. But sometimes, when there is something that I do really, really think I want, it's a pretty tough battle to lay things at His feet. Especially because, looking back, doing that has, in the most intense struggles, not resulted in whatever I wanted to happen happening. And looking back, ok well, maybe it's true that my preferred course of direction was not the best option. But looking forward, when another important something prayer crisis comes up, knowing God has protected and directed me does come to mind, but it's farther back than the suggestion that God just won't give me as good as what I want. Like Tevye's daughter want tall, dark and handsome but are sure they won't get that, maybe I want a Camaro but think God will give me a 1992 Camry. Now I don't think God would just be downright gross and give me a Yugo and just sit back amused with himself. Or a van. I don't love vans. (I want several kids, but maybe just one less than however many would make me drive a van.) I don't believe God would give me something bad, it's just sometimes easy to think that he won't give me as good as I want. Kind of a dumb example, because I don't take a car decision that seriously. But it does show my prejudice about cars.

Anyway, God is not like an aging Jewish matchmaker in 1905 Russia. But realizing I sometimes think that way is an important step in being transformed.