7 of 13

Grandma Compton

2011-05-31T21:27:00.001-07:00

My maternal grandfather passed away when I was sixteen. At the time, I recall being pretty anxious for my grandmother, living all by herself in a tiny excuse for a town in a quiet little house that had been home to numerous children, grandchildren, and probably lots of neighbors. I had heard of and seen numerous examples of elderly couples that had been married for decades, and one spouse would pass away and the other would seem to have nothing left in life and be gone in weeks or months. I had it in my head that it must be the same way for all well-seasoned couples, once your spouse was gone, there isn't a whole lot left. I was certain Gramma wasn't going to be around much longer.

I was wrong.

Grandma Compton spent a couple more years living in her tiny home in Neosho Falls, and for health/safety/peace of mind for her and family reasons, eventually moved into a small house in town. Ninety-two years old, and while she doesn't exactly get out of the house (and recently struggles to get out of her recliner), her mind is still incredibly sharp and she can remember stories about living in the Great Depression or about Grandpa driving her to church when they starting dating. She spent a couple weeks in an old folk's home after a fall a couple years ago, and probably knew every single person there and their children and personal histories. She loves to talk about her family, and even more loves to reminisce about Grandpa teaching Sunday School and studying the Bible and about Christ her Savior and friend. A very remarkable woman, my grandmother. She's still kicking, but is eager for the day when she'll see Grandpa and John and Ruth and other friends and family in the presence of the eternal Lord and King. But I think she's most excited about experiencing the glory of the Heavenly Father, His Son, and the Spirit.

Here's why I was wrong. I thought Grandma had built her life mostly around Grandpa Finley, and, just a tiny bit less, around her children, as seems to be normal. And true, she was a faithful, loving and hard-working wife. She did give birth to sixteen children, and raised those little guys and gals to honor and follow Jesus Christ. When they grew up and began their own lives, Grandma did all she could to keep loving and serving her spouse. The old house was kept warm and cozy for visitors, and a trip to Grandma's was always something to look forward to, whether exploring the old bedrooms or Grandpa's shop or playing with the little metals ends from juice concentrate jars. She's the one that needs some looking after now, but Grandma can still give a pretty good run-down of what her kids are up to, as well as her fifty-plus grandkids. She even still apologizes because although she remembers most birthdays and anniversaries, etc., her writing is getting too spidery to address and mail vintage cards with a $1 bill tucked inside. But no, I think Elizabeth Compton built her life around something much bigger and valuable than her husband.

See, had Finley been the most important thing in her adventure of life, Grandma probably would not have lasted much longer than her mate. But she's still here. She's even laughing and finding joy in life through the aches and troubles of failing physicality. Because there is one thing that Grandma values and loves and treasures and pursues more than anything else in the universe. And that is her blessed Savior Jesus Christ, and the knowing of her heavenly Father that she experiences through Him. Maybe she doesn't sign her name to birthday cards, but her hands still have the strength to daily open the worn Bible that sits by her chair just to have another moment with her Creator and Redeemer. Many days she might be lonely, but she has a Comforter greater than any familiar face that might appear at her front door. She'll leave a great legacy in her family tree, but she has no family dearer than the Father who holds her safe in His loving arms. She has pictures and memories and objects that she holds dear, but knows nothing more valuable than Christ. Nothing. Meals on Wheels, the occasional Sonic Burger, and ice water might keep her physical body alive, but Grandma drinks living water and lives not on bread, but on the Word that comes from God.

That's a model I want to follow. The type of wife, mother, and friend that Grandma was is the type of husband, father, and friend I want to be.

Praise and Sovereignty

2011-05-20T07:04:00.000-07:00

Occasionally I get frustrated going to visit some of my very dear friends and relatives because I know conversation will eventually be turned to a frequently recurring topic: they think the end times are very close. One or two are well studied in the topic, and know a LOT about Revelation and Daniel, etc., but many of them just know what they hear on NPR:

"this nation and that nation are doing this to take power over the world"

-or -
"this group of nations hates Israel, and that's a clear sign of the Rapture coming"
-or maybe-
"did you hear about this event? Wow, men are getting really wicked, and I'm glad Jesus is coming soon."

Now, admittedly, I don't remember all that much of what I've learned about prophecy, but I am eager for the day Jesus returns for His bride. Here's the thing though: I don't know when that is. And in the meantime, all the discussion of nations gathering power or conquering others doesn't frighten me. Because I've found comfort in Psalm 33. I don't understand it fully, because I don't know the plans of His heart. My heart breaks that millions have been slaughtered by cruel people, especially knowing that some have claimed the name of Christ when holding a murdering sword. But my heart rejoices in my Father in heaven, because I trust in His holy name.

Psalm 33

¹Sing for joy in the LORD, O you righteous ones;
Praise is becoming to the upright.
²Give thanks to the LORD with the lyre;
Sing praises to Him with a harp of ten strings.
³Sing to Him a new song;
Play skillfully with a shout of joy.
⁴For the word of the LORD is upright,
And all His work is done in faithfulness.
⁵He loves righteousness and justice;
The earth is full of the lovingkindness of the LORD.
⁶By the word of the LORD the heavens were made,
And by the breath of His mouth all their host.
⁷He gathers the waters of the sea together as a heap;
He lays up the deeps in storehouses.
⁸Let all the earth fear the LORD;
Let all the inhabitants of the world stand in awe of Him.
⁹For He spoke, and it was done;
He commanded, and it stood fast.
¹⁰The LORD nullifies the counsel of the nations;
He frustrates the plans of the peoples.
¹¹The counsel of the LORD stands forever,
The plans of His heart from generation to generation.
¹²Blessed is the nation whose God is the LORD,
The people whom He has chosen for His own inheritance.
¹³The LORD looks from heaven;
He sees all the sons of men;
¹⁴From His dwelling place He looks out
On all the inhabitants of the earth,
¹⁵He who fashions the hearts of them all,
He who understands all their works.
¹⁶The king is not saved by a mighty army;
A warrior is not delivered by great strength.
¹⁷A horse is a false hope for victory;
Nor does it deliver anyone by its great strength.
¹⁸Behold, the eye of the LORD is on those who fear Him,
On those who hope for His lovingkindness,
¹⁹To deliver their soul from death
And to keep them alive in famine.
²⁰Our soul waits for the LORD;
He is our help and our shield.
²¹For our heart rejoices in Him,
Because we trust in His holy name.
²²Let Your lovingkindness, O LORD, be upon us,
According as we have hoped in You.

That can really be worldview defining.

This passage clearly shows that God is sovereign over all creation and all nations and that even as perceived power is held by Greece or Rome or Britian or whoever, God looks over all.

But my favorite part is this: couple this chapter with verses like Matthew 6:26 "Look at the birds of the air, that they do not sow, nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not worth much more than they?" To know that God watches over eras and timelines and enormous things that last for hundreds, even thousands, of years and that He still is purposefully and intimately involved with all the details of my life? That's comforting. Still not completely understandable, I don't think. But it makes trying to live out passages like James 1:2-3 much less.....I dunno, daunting maybe. Because my faith is in something that is worthy of faith. It definitely proves Christ more valuable than the tiny, insignificant things I tend to worship on a daily basis. And that's what I'm seeking, Christ as my treasure.

Very quickly....

2011-03-08T10:34:00.000-08:00

Just a few things:

1 - Sometimes I want to give people looking at clothes fashion advice. Usually, that advice would be "no. Just...no."

next - how come the really cool sheet sets (like Mario or Disney or Transformers) only come in twin size? Apparently society thinks that as you grow up only flowers, stripes, or solids are appropriate.

and then - I've tried my hand at cookies, bars, and cheesecake. Since this weekend, I want to try making pie. Is that too big of a task? Because I want to make pie that gives the feeling you could die happy now with perfect flaky crust that you would eat by itself.

D - I need some furniture and pots and pans for my new (temporary) place. I'll get yard sale, or at least cheap, stuff, but I like to think about one day buying something more permanent.

d - Yesterday I needed to print some things out so I went to Oswego's courthouse and asked if they could help. I got a blank, then slightly frightened look from the lady at the counter as she asked what I meant by a PDF and how I meant to print one out. I guess we don't really need all our technology to lead a simple, happy life.

d* - but I like that people here trust enough to rent a house to a guy they've met for five minutes and not even do any paperwork.

That is all.

WWWdotJasonThoughtsdotgovdotwwwbackslashjasonthoughts

2011-03-02T07:07:00.000-08:00

So I don't really want to make the mandatory occasional blogger statement "I'm going to try to update this more often", so I'll skip it. See, the upside of blogging is that I usually enjoy the mental process: thinking through what I want to say and how I would say it. But the physical process of sitting down and writing it out is a lot tougher. I've started a lot of posts and then decided that there's really no one but me who is interested or amused by some of the things that I am. And besides, the several minutes I spend typing, staring, typing, revising, dozing off, re-focusing, typing, and wondering if what I say will just come off as moronic or not well thought out becomes boring and worrisome enough that I give up. And days or weeks later, I can't remember whatever brilliant thoughts I was having. So I'll work on the physical part.

But if there's an upside, there surely has to be a downside. And this is it: quite a bit of what I say really isn't well thought out, it's just whatever pops into my head at that moment. And some of it I wish right away I could take back. For example this conversation:

Me: "Hey, it's Christmas tomorrow. You should hang out with us, maybe go snowboarding or something (because everyone is kinda like me and spends a lot of time sitting around being kinda bored, and doing cool fun things with other people would make the day a lot better. Plus, I didn't have any idea what the 'us' were doing anyway),"
Other person: "Silly, I'm spending the day with my family"
Me: thinking "I'm an idiot and probably will never ask another question again."

-or this one-

Ticket-taker at the movie theater: "Tangled is great. I really liked it. Here's your ticket. Enjoy the show."
Me: "You, too!" walks away thinking "I've laughed at Brian Regan's comedy routine about that phrase for years, and I still say it. Good grief."

So...if I actually do this, dear reader, you'll probably get a large helping of shallow, on-the-spot thinking. But maybe with time, I'll learn to think through things. Or maybe I'll find out my thoughts aren't as weird or unique as I like to think they are. Like today...not very original. Or clever. I guess you'll have to wade through some mud to get to....whatever good thing might be on the other side of the mud puddle. I don't know what that is yet. Maybe ice cream or sno-cones. But that doesn't make sense. Walk through mud to get to ice cream? I mean, I would, but....never mind.

We'll see if the world is ready for this...

Things i Saw Today(and by today i mean yesterday because i had a four hour drive and then work and then supper and coffee with the guys and Ella and got home at 11:30 and didn't write until today so maybe i've forgotten something already):
- A sign for either a town or an Indian tribe giving the name and then pronunciation. Helpful, because I totally would have pronounced Quapah like it's spelled, instead of O-ga-paw.

-A $200-$500 fine for littering sign wrapped in toilet paper. Ironic.

A rest stop with parking on both sides of the interstate and a McDonalds restaurant with glass walls bridged over the road. Made me wish I was hungry.

Things that Tickled my Brain Today:
- Does Taylor Swift really qualify as country music? Because I've never had the urge to line- or square-dance when she comes on the radio.

- A large percentage of the high schools I've seen in Oklahoma have some form of Native American culture as their mascot. But the two largest higher education institutions in the state classify themselves as Cowboys or vehicles that brought not-Indians here. Why is that?

-Sometimes I get frustrated with the way people around me drive. But since I pull some pretty stupid stunts of my own, I really try not to. But I think I decided on the one thing that gets me most about other drivers. They should sing in the car more. Because most of them don't seem to be having any fun. And singing loudly with the windows rolled up (or down) would feel a lot less silly if more people did it. People say they do, but I don't see it. And I know, because I pay attention. And I've seen ONE random girl rockin it pretty hard. And it made me smile.

Music that i Really Liked Today:
- Beyond Belief by 116 Clique. Sorry KJ, I respect what you did with the Peace of Mind album, I just prefer the Clique's Amped.

Sometimes i think of God as:
Tzeitel, Hodel, and Chava think about the village matchmaker (and I don't mean this only in regard to relationships). They dream about a man who is intelligent, rich, handsome, and gentle but are aware that because of their socioeconomic status, they'll be resigned to accepting whatever Yenta brings( and that's as far as the comparison goes): old, fat drunkards.

Here's why. Something that I think I'm learning about prayer is that its purpose is NOT to say "God, I want this and this and this person to get well and this and maybe this person to pay attention to me and this and help this guy find a job and this and magically make me lose weight " and so on. From the Lord's Prayer and Jesus' prayer in Gethsemane and other places, it seems that prayer leads me to say "Lord, You are INCREDIBLE, and know a lot more about where my life is than I do and what the future holds, and maybe I don't understand what's gonna happen but I trust You to carry me through all of everything, and for that to happen...Your will be done, not mine." It's not that I think making requests or asking for something is bad, because I think that's biblical too, but God already knows all of those things before we bring them up. I've just started to struggle with the second part of the mindset that I so often have that "Ok, God. Here's what I really, really want and what I think you should do. But.. I guess... I suppose... if you think you know better, grumble(do you really?)grumble...maybe... do what you think instead." As if I'm discussing what restaurant I want to eat at with friends. "Well, Taco Bell has 88 cent crunchwrap supremes, but if you want Texas Roadhouse, I suppose that might be okay. I just want it to be known that I did in fact ask for Taco Bell. Remember that if my steak is undercooked or my fries are soggy."

My thing is: most of the time it's not too tough to hand things over. But sometimes, when there is something that I do really, really think I want, it's a pretty tough battle to lay things at His feet. Especially because, looking back, doing that has, in the most intense struggles, not resulted in whatever I wanted to happen happening. And looking back, ok well, maybe it's true that my preferred course of direction was not the best option. But looking forward, when another important something prayer crisis comes up, knowing God has protected and directed me does come to mind, but it's farther back than the suggestion that God just won't give me as good as what I want. Like Tevye's daughter want tall, dark and handsome but are sure they won't get that, maybe I want a Camaro but think God will give me a 1992 Camry. Now I don't think God would just be downright gross and give me a Yugo and just sit back amused with himself. Or a van. I don't love vans. (I want several kids, but maybe just one less than however many would make me drive a van.) I don't believe God would give me something bad, it's just sometimes easy to think that he won't give me as good as I want. Kind of a dumb example, because I don't take a car decision that seriously. But it does show my prejudice about cars.

Anyway, God is not like an aging Jewish matchmaker in 1905 Russia. But realizing I sometimes think that way is an important step in being transformed.

D+E and M and How I Met Your Mother and Christ

2011-01-21T19:10:00.000-08:00

Last night, within the span of less than two hours, three things happened that have kind of been weighing on my mind all day. So here goes....

A really good friend of mine got engaged recently, and I had a long drive, so I called her and asked for the down-low on what happened. The whole thing happened pretty fast and the Lord seems to be putting everything into place, and I am VERY excited for D+E. What I can't get out of my mind is what seemed to seal the deal for her: "driving in his truck and he was talking about the church being split and the drama, etc., and about his passion for the people, and I knew right then I wanted to marry him." Not a direct quote, but close. I want a passion for Christ and for the gospel and for sharing it and living it with every person I come into contact with. What I don't want is to be a "good person" or to just follow some list of religious or moral guidelines of how someone should act if they want to feel good about themselves and be admired in a weekly meeting with well-dressed someones who pretend to have everything together. I want to be transformed: mind, heart, and soul by the grace and mercy and love of God demonstrated through the incarnation, life, death, and resurrection of Jesus Christ. And if ever a girl falls in love with me, I want it to be because of Christ living through me and who He makes me to be, not because I have a good job or am a nice guy or whatever. I've got a way to go to be the man that the girl I want will want.

Next, I got to the end of my drive and was catching up on this week's episode of How I Met Your Mother. Basic plot is at the funeral for one character's father and the last words and moments we might share with people we love. Very interesting that right when the character has a moment of yelling out at God and questioning how He operates, I found out that a friend from junior college has recently passed away, very suddenly. Now, I don't know God's specific purpose in how He gives and directs and takes individual lives, and questioning why wasn't what weighed on my heart. I believe that the one true God is good, and has a purpose and plan in all things, and while I don't understand it, He is faithful and trustworthy and glorious.

What I did think so much about is that I do not know what tomorrow, or even the next few minutes or hours, will bring. I do know that there are a LOT of people who have played important roles in my life, some big, some small. Some people I've known most of my life, some for just a few years, and some are relatively new friends. Some were teachers, some examples, some listeners, some advisers, some made me laugh, some encouraged, and others made me see life and Christ and others in a truer way. So I've got a lot of thank-you's to say. So I'll be working on that in the days and weeks to come.

Love

2011-01-07T20:43:00.000-08:00

Love is a blue balloon and a pin made from a grape soda cap.
And a jumbo rainbow-colored swirl pop.

Possible Top 5 songs...

2010-11-02T20:56:00.001-07:00

1. Beautiful Redemption - Ever Stays Red
2. Glorious - Ever Stays Red
3. Every New Day - Five Iron Frenzy
4. Dandelions - Five Iron Frenzy
5. ........

The Sixth Day

2010-10-26T21:38:00.000-07:00

So reading in Genesis last night made me really think about what Adam's first day was like. To open his eyes and blink in the bright sunlight, to stretch his muscles, to stand and take the first human step on a brand new earth. To feel the dampness of cool grass beneath bare feet and a soft breeze through his hair. Breaking from a spinning, bounding run dotted with cartwheels and hillside rolls to stand with arms outstretched, breathing slightly heavy with face soaking in the warmth rays of a new day. Choosing the first tree to climb, racing to the top of the highest hill to take in a landscape never before seen by human eyes. Hearing the voice of the Creator as He walks close by, lovingly describing this good new world He has made. Deeply experiencing the intimacy of just being in the presence of such a loving, kind, personal being. Feeling the juice run down his chin as he bites into his first piece of fresh, ripe, delicious fruit. Wondering at the grinning four-legged creature furiously wagging its tail as it dances around his feet before deciding "This is a dog." Mind racing as more creatures approach, two by two, to greet and receive a name of their own. Arms tingling as a pair of eagles take flight from his shoulders, beating their magnificent wings as they soar higher and higher into the heavens. (and maybe, just maybe, soaring with them?) Diving into a clear river to tickle and swim with dozens of brightly colored fish. Bursting from the depths and tossing his head in a spray of glistening water droplets. Dropping to a warm beach of sand to dry as his thoughts are consumed with the awe and amazement of this day, watching the animal pairs walk and play together, and feeling the slightest twinge of wonder if maybe, somewhere, there is another....something like him. Senses overwhelmed, falling into a deep, peaceful sleep. Waking and blinking for the second time, a little startled and surprised to see - "what is sitting close watching me? Is that...someONE?" Enchanted and captivated by the beauty of a creature like him, and yet...different. Knowing, somehow, she...SHE! came from him. Had been carefully fashioned from him, and for him. Taking her hand in his, feeling the soft, smooth skin, brushing the long flowing hair, staring deeply into the soul behind the gentle, sparkling eyes, a new and warm tingly sensation growing in his chest. Confident that here was something more than all the other creatures met that day: a companion and helper. That here was someone that just...WOW!

Yeah, I think there are parts of that I'd like to experience.

Don't Waste yOur Life

2010-07-02T09:12:00.000-07:00

Verse three to one of my favorite Lecrae beats includes the lines:

Stay focused if you ain't got no ride
Your life ain't wrapped up in what you drive,
The clothes you wear, the job you work
The color your skin, naw, you Christian first.
People get ta livin for a job, make a lil money start livin for a car
Get em a house, a wife, kids and a dog.
When they retire they livin high on the hog.
But guess what they didn't ever really live at all,
To live is Christ, and that's Paul I recall
To die is gain so for Christ we give it all,
He's the treasure you'll never find in a mall.
Your money, your singleness, marriage, talent your time
they were loaned to you to show the world that Christ is divine.
That's why it's Christ in my rhymes, that's why it's Christ all the time!
My whole world is built around him He's the life in my lines.
I refuse to waste my life he's too true ta chase that ice
Here's my gifts and time cause I'm constantly trying to be used to praise the Christ.
If he's truly raised to life then this news should change your life
and by His grace you can put your faith in a place that rules your days and nights.

So I'm kind of in that spot he speaks of: fresh out of college, got a solid job, feels like my life right now is all work. I really want a new car, for purely selfish reasons, and thoughts of a wife, house, and kids come to mind frequently. I've got the dog already.

When I graduated, I was ready to live a different kind of life where I didn't pursue the typical American dream lifestyle because I think that's bogus. Not that any of those things are bad in and of themselves, but I don't want my life to be that. I want it to be Christ first, and people and relationships next. But I already sense myself slipping into that trap and I want to get out before I get into too deep a hole. For most of my life, I've kind of had the impression that things like personal mission statements and vision didn't really mesh with Christianity. But a close friend helped me see them in a different light. So I thought out and wrote my own mission statement and am thinking about what to include in a vision for how I want my life to look like. Thing is, I'm not really holding tight to that and I need to. Guess it'll take a lot of intentionality, which is tough. But Christ promised that following Him would be tough. And for some reason I don't want believe that most of the time, but feel like being a Christian should be a cakewalk somehow. But I'll not go into all that now.

Anyway, I really didn't intend to write all that. What I meant to write was the lyrics and the very first little bit and say that even though I don't want my life to be that way, I'm having fun window shopping for cars. Like these:

As a young single guy, the Monte Carlo SS looks fun, but do I like blue or maybe orange with Lambo doors?

I feel like as a man I should have a Chevy Silverado. Or maybe a Dodge Ram.

I'd love to have another Z34

And not really a realistic option, but basically a 4-Door corvette might be sweet.

Summer Reading List

2010-06-08T20:19:00.000-07:00

This is probably not a complete list yet. But it is alphabetical by author. Because I'm classy (or nerdy) enough to organize my books that way.

Bill Amend
- ~~FoxTrot: Assembled with Care~~
- ~~FoxTrot: Beyond a Doubt~~
- ~~FoxTrot: Foxtrotius Maximum~~
- ~~FoxTrot: The Works~~

Eoin Colfer
- Artemis Fowl: The Time Paradox

Gordon MacDonald
-~~Who Stole My Church?~~

Jean Marzollo
- I Spy Extreme Challenger

Donald Miller
- Through Painted Deserts

Henri Nouwen
- ~~In the Name of Jesus~~
- ~~The Return of the Prodigal~~

Jim Petersen
- The Insider
- Living Proof

Andy Stanley
- Visioneering

Robert Louis Stevenson
- The Black Arrow

Unknown
- Hebrews

12 seems a good start. That's a book a week for the summer.

Now the list is 15, because it's too easy for me to find something new and get interested in it. And I've read seven of them.

PostSecret

2010-06-07T21:19:00.000-07:00

This could be short. Though I don't think short would do it justice, because it's not very completely thought out. Maybe someday I'll revisit.

I'll admit it though. I love PostSecret. It's like some dark guilty pleasure to browse through the colored 4x6 cards that some anonymous person has confided to the blogging world. Some make me laugh; others make me cringe in disgust; a few give me hope; but an overwhelming majority upset me. Not angry upset, but break-my-heart upset.

#1 - Honesty. Why why why can't people be honest with the friends/family/whoever closest to them? Sometimes I don't think it would be very hard. I've seen post cards revealing their writer is enormously grateful to someone for helping change their life and turn them in a new direction, but they won't admit it to that person. Other times, I realize how absolutely gut-wrenching it would be to admit whatever bit of truth to someone. And often, I have absolutely no idea what it would even start to feel like to carry some of the burdens people do.

(Very quickly, I think a major issue with this is fear of rejection for baring oneself opening for others to see hurt and pain and imperfection. At least, that's what keeps me from being honest a lot of the time)

#2 - Hope. For all the broken-hearted, scared, secretly or not secretly torn to shreds lives that people live, there is hope. It's easy to see sometimes, like when 11,000 people join a Facebook group to encourage one anonymous person not to jump off a bridge. But really, though it can be experienced through other people, hope for healing comes from one source, and that is Jesus Christ. That someone could look at every single shaming detail of my life and how disgusting it would be laid bare and open, and maybe poke and nudge some things with a finger, and then turn to me and exclaim with such a deep, honest gaze "I LOVE you!!" Kinda gives me chills that it's even possible.

"I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble But take heart! I have overcome the world." John 16:33

Looking Back

2010-04-30T19:49:00.000-07:00

On May 15th I will walk across the stage as a graduate of Kansas State University. Another phase of life starts soon after that. One without the college lifestyle. One with a lot more responsibility. Life's gonna be a lot different for sure. Looking back at the last couple years, I've been through a lot of experiences, which got me thinking about what life has been teaching me. So, here's a list of what I've learned from life on a couple different subjects. It's probably not complete, so I’ll add to it occasionally. And to be honest, some of these things I've learned, some... well, I'm still in the process. Maybe someday I'll really learn them.

Books
Calvin and Hobbes will never get old.

Books do nothing if left on the shelf unopened.

To really understand, you gotta do more than read the words on the page.

Entertainment
Don’t pretend movies and television are true to life.

Sometimes it seems so easy and safe to escape into a fake world when I don’t want to exist in the real one. This is not good. Middle Earth, Dillon TX, Scranton PA, McLaren’s pub, Green Gables, and Jane Austen’s England beckon all the time.

I think some shows are better just because I won’t admit watching them to some people who would tell me I know better.

There is nothing good or real about porn. I hate it.

When watching a DVD, it's best to check it for dust and fingerprints before starting to watch it. I think it's a rule that the best part of the show freezes or skips.

Politics
Republican does not mean Christian. And Democrat does not mean evil anti-Christian.

Sports/Activities
I’ll never be able to do all the fancy stuff on ESPN or Youtube. Outside of my own mind, at least.

Dancing takes some mix of confidence and not caring what people think.

People
They have hopes and dreams of what they want life to be like. I find this typically means they want to be loved; they want to feel cared about, to have their name and face remembered, and made to feel like they matter and have purpose and are important. And people will pursue things that they think fulfill those. Sometimes what they pursue is good. Sometimes not.

Sometimes I realize that I’ve only convinced myself I care about people, when I really just care about myself.

Friends are priceless, I’m sure.

A smile can really help.

Affirmation or lack of from people does not define my worth. So why do I get so tied up in it?

I never know their whole story. But I like learning.

Music
In my mind, it runs a close second to laughter as the best medicine.

Being able to play music brings a lot more satisfaction than just listening.

Sometime in my life, I’ll get better at the piano, actually learn guitar, and pick up the trumpet again. Starting….soon.

Electric pianos are not equal to a real piano. And I want a baby grand.

Girls
I like girls. They’re beautiful. And smell nice.

Every girl should be treated like a princess.

Beyond that....let's leave it at this: I don't understand them. The phrase "can't live with 'em, can't live without 'em" comes to mind, but I'm not really sure I like saying that.

Baking/Cooking
Baking for others makes it worthwhile. Baking for self, not so much.

Myself
I like beauty. And inspiring things. And cool socks. And communication.

I tend to be very sarcastic in much of what I say in everyday conversation. And I want to stop.

I need Africa more than Africa needs me.

The life I live is not my own.

My stupid heart can out-talk my brain any moment of the day.

I want to present hope to people.

God/Christianity/Religion
He does according to His will. Who can question Him?

Faith alone. By grace.

Years ago, I would never have admitted it, but I’m pretty sure I secretly thought I was better than people that didn’t love Jesus. But I’m not.

Knowing about God is a lot different than knowing God.

Stand fast therefore in the liberty by which Christ has made us free and do not be entangled again with a yoke of bondage.

In every aspect of life, the gospel is reality.

Christ is where hope is found.

Maybe this helps?

2010-03-07T20:49:00.000-08:00

Mr. See owned a saw.
And Mr. Soar owned a seesaw.
Now See's saw sawed Soar's seesaw
before Soar saw See,
which made Soar sore.
Had Soar seen See's saw
before See sawed Soar's seesaw,
See's saw would not have sawed
Soar's seesaw.
So See's saw sawed Soar's seesaw.
But it was sad to see Soar so sore
just because See's saw sawed Soar's seesaw.

...nope.

I hate this

2010-03-07T20:39:00.001-08:00

I don't know what to do.

For this post to really make any sense, I should have pictures. Maybe I should get a camera and take some lessons.

2010-03-04T14:45:00.000-08:00

So...I love to bake. But it's a tough thing to love.

First of all, it takes time. Because I don't count breaking store bought refrigerated cookie dough into pieces and heating in the oven as baking. I love full-out, measuring and mixing and baking that leaves flour and a little bit of raw egg all over the kitchen and my clothes. It takes a lot of time to do. And to clean up, because I'm enough of a multi-tasker to clean as I'm going. And maybe it doesn't seem so practical to spend three baking something just to realize it takes four minutes to eat.

Second, it takes money. $3 for this spice and then I need light brown sugar and dark brown sugar and salted butter and unsalted butter (and I haven't figured out if a package that says sweet cream butter is salted or not yet and I'm not yet completely sure of what difference it makes anyway). Plus, I'm indecisive, and it's hard to pick out which of the 52 different kinds of marinade I want, but having three choices in the fridge on Saturday nights when I want to get chicken ready for Sunday is better than "ugh, pineapple mango chipotle buffalo sauce wasn't a good choice, but I don't wanna waste a whole bottle" BtheW, maybe baking chicken isn't really baking, but this is my blog, I do what I want. And $12 for rum just to put one tablespoon in a batter! Then I don't even know what to do with the rest because I don't need it to bake anything else anytime soon and I'm pretty sure I won't drink it any sooner than that and I don't even know how long it will last opened in the cabinet anyway and if I give it to my friends who would drink it $12 for a tablespoon makes for expensive apple bars. .......and part of me wonders how many church people I know might read this and wonder what in the world I'm buying hard liquor for anyway, "we don't touch alcohol, just leave it out".....

Nextly, I'm single. And I live by myself. Don't get me wrong, I love leftovers and having something to snack on when I get back from school is nice, but how many recipes make enough cookies or brownies for one person? Seriously, even if I make a small 8x8 pan of brownies, which honestly I sometimes finish off in less than 24 hours, woof....that's a lot of food that I really don't exercise enough to condone eating. Especially when I use baking as a comfort mechanism; there is absolutely no reason I should be scanning through dessert blogs. Hmmm...maybe one of those marriage proposals I've heard because of baking will work out. Not banking on that though. I've always kinda hoped I'd be the one asking in that situation. And I have asked, but whenever I actually could see myself meaning it....no chance. But honestly, if I ever marry a lady that can't cook.....well, I suppose I'd love her anyway.

D, I always bake too much. Maybe chalk that up to growing up in a huge family or just the fact that I'm a complete pig and can't control my eating when no one can see, but even if I bake for a group, I end up bringing the extra home and that's still more than any normal person has a right to eat.

BUT...........

to walk in a room with a plate of still warm, home-made baked goodies and see the look on someone's face when they try something (usually this response is good), especially when they claim to be counting calories but then have a second piece?

Worth it. Absolutely.

Worship

2010-01-31T13:26:00.000-08:00

Yesterday, I was awake and out of the apartment before 6 a.m. and didn't return until 10 p.m. All for the sake of seeing K-State take down the #2 team in the country. Regrettably, that didn't happen. But between College GameDay and the game itself, I spent between five and six hours cheering at the top of my lungs, clapping, jumping up and down, and gyrating to the Wabash like nobody's business. There were moments where I alternately encouraged my team, high-fived my neighbors, wanted to hurl obscenities at the refs and other team, held my breath when a shot went up, had to stop screaming for several moments to find any bit of breath in my lungs, felt pride and disappointment, found hope, lost it, and found it again. In the game's final seconds, there were extreme highs and lows where fulfillment of emotion and purpose and hope felt tangible,right there in our grasp, and then was snatched away before I could blink.

This morning I woke up feeling exhausted, still disappointed, a little soul weary, and didn't want to move. I still had a little of my voice left, but in a very low, cracked, and creepy tone. Drove to church with some friends, and when music started playing, I was overwhelmed with a sense that even though my voice and body were weak, I couldn't put so much energy into celebrating athletic competition and then not be more intense in my pursuit and worship of my creator and Lord. Not in the sense that I guilt-tripped myself, but that it just wasn't possible. So I turned my focus to the Savior where my hope and purpose are met, never to be taken away, and really enjoyed a great moment of worship.

Now, I just wonder what happens to that sense and desire after I graduate. I want to be passionate toward Christ, and about Him, I just get a little discouraged thinking about where I might be.

Edit: The definition of passion I heard recently that I really liked was this: the degree of difficulty that one is willing to endure in order to accomplish the goal. Maybe that's my answer.

Rubiks

2010-01-04T12:27:00.000-08:00

This just established itself as a dream for my library someday.

Plates

2009-12-27T19:55:00.000-08:00

So I started a new game where I'm looking for license plates from all fifty states in the Little Apple. I thought about getting pictures for proof, but I'd be pretty weirded out seeing someone seeing someone purposefully stop and photograph my license plate. Here's what I've got after about a week.

Alabama
~~Alaska~~
Arizona
Arkansas
~~California~~
~~Colorado~~
Connecticut
Delaware
Florida
Georgia
Hawaii
Idaho
~~Illinois~~
Indiana
~~Iowa~~
~~Kansas~~
Kentucky
Louisiana
Maine
Maryland
Massachusetts
Michigan
~~Minnesota~~
Mississippi
Missouri
Montana
Nebraska
Nevada
New Hampshire
New Jersey
~~New Mexico~~
~~New York~~
~~North Carolina~~
~~North Dakota~~
Ohio
Oklahoma
~~Oregon~~
Pennsylvania
Rhode Island
South Carolina
South Dakota
Tennessee
Texas
~~Utah~~
Vermont
~~Virginia~~
~~Washington~~
West Virginia
~~Wisconsin~~
Wyoming

Puzzles

2009-10-14T11:01:00.000-07:00

So, I like to do jigsaw puzzles. I bought three the other day for $1.50 each. When looking for something to do puzzles on(I don't have a table) Target had the cheapest corkboard bulletin board, $7 for a 22"x35". I bring it to the apartment and start to do my first puzzle, and lo and behold! The puzzle size is 22 9/32" by 25". Ridiculous. All three puzzles are the same size. Hmmm, guess it pays to pay attention.

Things about today

2009-09-29T19:57:00.000-07:00

Some things I did today:
1. Carried $60 worth of groceries on my bicycle halfway across town. Actually, because I used my Dillon's card, it was only $42 worth, but sixty sounds more impressive.
2. Watched a Harry Potter movie for the second time. I've seen all but OotP in theatres, but never ever watched one over again. Until tonight. And guess what? They're still lame-o. The books are better. But then, that's pretty much true for anything. However! However.......it did make me want to re-watch this....
3. Did some actual studying. Woof. I hope that doesn't become a habit.
4. Tried to call my goofy brother back. But he never answered. After he called me twice.
5. Ate fresh raspberries (well, fresh store-bought anyway)

Some things I thought about today:
1. Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire would have been AWESOME if The Undertaker had been cast as Mad-Eye. Wow, that would have been intense.
2. Would Terrell Owens really have made that touchdown catch that Roy Williams missed? Really?
3. I wish all the K-State players in the NFL were just incredible.
4. Why do I even watch How I Met Your Mother? It's pretty much garbage.

Some things I learned today:
1. Even in Africa, Danielle is kinda clumsy.
2. I don't really like fresh raspberries.
3. While not as bad as I thought it would be, yogurt is still gross. I wish they made ice cream you could eat for breakfast.
4. You can't treat a virus with antibiotics. You can't treat a virus with antibiotics. You can't treat a virus with antibiotics. You CAN'T treat a VIRUS with antibiotics. YOU CAN'T TREAT A VIRUS WITH ANTIBIOTICS. I think she said it about fifteen times total. But seriously, you just can't.
5. No matter how good my day is going (or bad, as sometimes happens), Pam Beesley can make it better. I'm telling ya, to walk in the door every day and see that smile... I think my heart beats a little faster on Thursday nights.

2009-09-28T21:00:00.000-07:00

So my youngest brother got engaged this weekend. Excited for him. I guess that leaves me as the sole remaining available Coltrane male. Not sure what to think about that.

Baptism and Blogging

2009-09-20T20:07:00.000-07:00

Hello blog. My name is Jason. They say you're like a diary, which means in ten years, I'll stumble across you and this single entry. But really, I hope we become fast friends. Everyone should have real, intimate friends they can count on, don't you think? I do.

Speaking of friends, today I went to a baptism for an acquaintance of mine. I guess maybe a friend, someone whose name I know and we say a friendly hello whenever we happen to meet or play frisbee on Friday afternoons. Anyway, he, S***, was baptized, and six other people too. They all got up and told their story about how they found themselves at a point ready to publicly declare to their friends and family and everyone that they associated themselves as a follower of Jesus Christ. You know what I noticed? Their stories had a pretty common theme. And it wasn't how good of people they were, or how they always went to church and obeyed the right rules, and how pleased God was to have such honorable people on His side. No, they all shared how their lives were pretty much in shambles and not about to change, and but for the grace of God, they would not even be standing there. It's pretty incredible, this grace. How God can look at us in the midst of disgusting selfishness, pride, adultery, lying, abortion, cheating, stealing, and all the other ways we pervert His glory, and say... I love you. Incredible. I'm grateful for it. And I would that you would be as well.